Fear

I recently watched a movie with my friends where the beginning statement was, “When life gives you lemons… Make lemonade.” At that moment it panned to a bottle of vodka next to lemons and a quickly drank glass of this beverage. I sat thinking to myself at this sight: this world creates so much animosity and doubt. It dangles fear and pain in front of every person. We see this in war, we see this in relationships, and we see this in politics, in Hollywood, in school, in every area. It is as if we all feed from the vulnerability of people. Yet this one statement with a bottle of booze next to it showed a masking agent to the vulnerability- a loosing agent. However strong this loosing agent, fear is not replaced. It is simply thriving that much more for the consciousness of the human mind to stumble upon it once more. 

I have a fear of people using my vulnerability and throwing it into the road. I fear that the men I see will take my heart and run over it… consistently. I fear betrayal and I fear heartache. I fear treacherous endings and I fear not being remembered. Yet these fears, no matter the greatness of the role inside my head, do not make up that whom I am. These fears are simply that- fear.

Fear according to www.dictionary.com is: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc, whether the threat is real or imagined... “Whether the threat is real or imagined.” These are clearly the two different forms of fear. Fear is an emotional agent to help a species, or in this case human, to defend or protect itself. It causes a response in the brain that a person either irrationally acts upon or a person analyzes rationally a response. However, there is a difference between a fear that is of a natural state and fear that is simply created with emotion. Deepak Chopra, a famous M.D. in the medical field of the mind and alternative medicine, says that, “Even though your physical safety is not threatened, your body still creates the same stress responses that a real threat would, and without the physical activity to convert adrenaline and other hormones into energy, they instead contribute to your baseline level of stress in the body.”

Fear in all of its aptitude just creates more problems within a person’s health: stress, anxiety, disappointment, hurt, etc. The list can grow to the extent that we allow the fear to control our emotions and mind. Yet fear, in all of its “life-like” forms is simply not real. It is not tangible. It cannot be seen, only felt through the nervous system. So why do we give it so much control? Why do we allow fear to rule our lives? My mom asked me if I get some form of pay-off from my fears. I thought about it and wondered if that was what it was… Maybe fear is my copout to do nothing but fear. Because it allows me to protect myself, I can have a response, a rebuttal to an outcome that I fear. However this only allows me to be continually upset and continually unhappy. It never allows me to enjoy moments fully, but only half-heartedly. It causes anxiety and stress that I do not need as a young person.

I decided that instead of taking this one man’s approach at masking the identity of the problem: when life throws you lemons, one after the other, just grab them and throw them back. The number one thing to do is not to allow the fear to speak or give it a stronghold. Pastor Dave Williams of Mount Hope Church in Lansing, Michigan, said at a sermon in 2007 that what we think follows us. If we dwell in the fears within our mind, we create those fears. Obviously sometimes the fears are inevitable but accepting them as life altering in a negative way is not okay. In the worst possible situation of all- you will make it. You. Will. Make. It. Fight back with your heart and courage for survival. The sourness of the fear is only temporary if we add sugar of hope to it. Start speaking back to it, telling it the truth in the moment. Start telling yourself that you will survive and that you are worth the fight to be happy.

For the people who are reading this and know me as a friend or acquaintance: I know that I need to eat my own words. I have a hard time believing the things people tell me and I have a hard time accepting my own advice for more than an hour on somedays. But I try. I fight. I am working for recovery in myself and I am working for healing to help heal others. The things I say are not quick fixes, even for myself. These are lifestyle choices and changes that take time, whether that be an hour or a year. Yet I still don’t allow fear to viscously take over my life.

Don’t allow fear to take over yours. Don’t give it a place to grow anymore. Change your approach. Find your niche at defeating it and consistently work at it. It might be therapy, it might be work, it might be running, it might be writing, it might be praying, it might be meditating, etc. Whatever it is, you owe yourself the peace of mind to remember that you are okay and fear is not real. You will make it.   

http://www.chopra.com/node/985

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fear

You can't foul out.

Sometimes it seems like life has failed us. The things we want the most do not always happen for us as perfectly as we hope. Yet the hardest part is picking ourselves up after these lows. When we don’t stand back up sometimes we will walk around thinking about all of the worst possible situations. Our minds race directly toward the drastic wrongs instead of looking at the good that just happened.

Yeah life is hard. It sucks. It pisses me, personally, off more than anything else. I hate the rough patches in my road: stress, frustration, and even failure at times. I have been dealing with self-loathing since the beginning of this school year. I have been constantly in a state of loneliness and depression. I fear the worst and in return I create the worst. My heart has been through so much destruction which has been inflicted on my own account.

How is it that our minds can control so much of who we are? If we tell ourselves we are confident and strong woman, we glow that! If we tell ourselves we are not worth any attention, our flesh seems to mold green in every conversation we have. It is a shame that in a world where the rules to playing the game of life have become so fine-line that fouls are constantly called on us when no one read us the game-plan. It is hard, yes, but it is the challenge that will make us stronger.

If there aren't technically any rules to follow, then don’t let the bench hold you down. Get back up after that foul and try again. Unlike in football, you will never have enough fouls called on you. You always get to play again. 

Introduction

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud

was more painful than the risk it took to blossom"

Anais Nin

(sapphyr.net)

There was a time when I could see myself as a strong and independent woman, a woman of valor and of strength, a woman of passion and pursuit. Although I struggled for this title as a woman, I found it to be only temporary. I slowly started to loose the power I once contained because I stopped believing in myself. I stopped standing in faith and that I had manifesting miracles in my life. I stopped believing that good things were happening and I stopped believing that happiness could find it’s way and I stopped believing that hope and strength were viable... When I stopped…I lost me. I lost all of me... I left myself behind for nothing that mattered. The worst part was loosing my compassion for life and my trust in love.

Yet recently I started to see that if love can move a mountain than love must be more powerful. Love must not just be that between a man and woman, but between God and person, and person with him or herself. Thus, my hope began to be that I rediscover, re-evaluate myself. I don't want to be the woman who failed on herself. The woman that let go of everything she fought for through the hell of adolescence. I want me to grow and be nurtured. The best example of this is when Miranda in Sex and the City says she needs to work on the relationship she has with herself because that is all she has and has ever had.

In this blog, I want to be the influence of positive growth. I want to be the hand that helps my friends from depression as I struggle through mine. I want to feed woman all of the thoughts that I rage in my heart to be said to them. I want my friends and family and the people I do not know to understand that being a woman is the most edifying and courageous thing there is, especially in this world and generation. Life is too precious to allow people into our heads telling us we are not worth it. We are. We are women.

Women stop letting go of who YOU are!  Stop putting yourselves in positions of hurt when YOU have the power and strength to stand up for yourselves. Stop giving your happiness to other people. No one deserves it. YOU woman are the reason that this world exists. YOU are the light and salt and herb and color of life. Men and people couldn't breathe without you. Stop discounting yourself or allowing yourself to drown in despair. You have YOU. You will always have YOU. That relationship is so much more precious than diamonds and rubies and pearls. It is the very substance that makes life grow and makes the snow fall and the flowers bloom. Without your heart, compassion, courage, faith there would be no happiness in this world. There would be no light. There would be encouragement. There would be nothing.